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February 17, 2005
Zen and The Art of Grocery Maintenance
Grocery shopping can be the most zen process in the world. You travel up and down the aisles leering at a sea of products. Sometimes you know exactly which foods you desire; other times, a bold fragrant item with clever packaging catches your eye on the shelf. So many choices, so much potential. Deciding which foods to invite into your body truly becomes the most intimate of experiences.
Grocery shopping can also crawl under your skin, tug at every last nerve in your body, and make you want to slit your wrists with a freshly sharpened blade.
Last Sunday, I went to my local Key Food deli and ordered 1/2 lb. of turkey and a 1/4 lb. of cheese. Living by myself, this is the exact amount of food I would need to cover my lunch for the week. As I was walking away from the counter, I heard the man in back of me say to the deli boy: "Yeah, err, can I get a 1/4 lb. of uhhh ham....HAHAHAHA, naw just kidding. No, give me a pound of..."
What?! Buddy, sure hope you're not taking that comedy act on the road because you suck. (What's crazier is that a week earlier, I overheard someone ordering 2/10 lb. of cheese. 2/10! While I questioned his math skills, I didn't even think twice about his miniscule quantity.)
I retrieved the few items I needed to get, put them in my carry-on basket, and shuffled into the nearly vacant 20 items or less express lane. I began to pile my items on the counter, when a perky young girl walked up behind me and said: "Can I go in front of you? I just have one item."
Let's be clear: I'm not an absolute bitch. I can be very sympathetic to those frazzled "one-itemers" with excusable stories. "My child is waiting out in the car." "I'm running really late for an appointment." Whatever. Anything. But this girl didn't even try; she was a selfish, impatient Gen-Y brat, who couldn't wait her turn. Keep in mind, there was no line, and I only had ten items!
In the end, I did the noble thing. Gave her a dirty look and reluctantly muttered "Yeah, fine."
I often think of how pleasant it is to stroll down the produce aisle: So many varieties of life, red, green, yellow, blue, all existing in harmony. Next time you enter a grocery store, please remember the fruits and veggies.
Posted by Michele at February 17, 2005 11:52 PM
Comments
I would have punched that girl and make her wait ... you too nice
Posted by: cootie girl at February 18, 2005 01:21 PM
good show of restraint there, michele. me, i would have gone postal on her.
Posted by: mundaneDan at February 18, 2005 02:12 PM
I would have gone postal, too. I would have sent her a letter. A complaining letter. That would show her.
Posted by: Abby at February 18, 2005 03:53 PM
Wow, and I thought I was the only person in the world who got grocery store rage.
I recently had an incident w/ a biach who was in line in front of me. After emptying her cart contents onto the conveyor belt, she, and her LV bag, moved forward to pay, but the cart was left behind...or actually in front of me. When I asked her if she planned on moving it forward (so the rest of the line could move forward) she looked at me and said "no".
It was at that point that I moved it forward, straight into her bony little ass. It felt good:)
Posted by: Stakita Mae at February 18, 2005 04:41 PM
