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June 06, 2005

A Pillow for Your Thoughts

Sometimes you don't realize how bizarre your lingering childhood habits are until they burst open in front of your sleepy eyes.

For as long as I can remember, I've been using an old tattered pillow to sleep on at night. Tattered is too kind; grotesque is more accurate. This pillow is cased with sheep sheets from my thirty-five year old brother's childhood bed, and filled with a random assortment of crumbled foam, tape, paper and other disturbing materials. It could've easily doubled as a cozy rat's nest, but that thought never occurred to me until today. (See the picture above; enjoy it because I had to retrieve the item from my building's garbage room to take the photo. More on that later...)

Early this morning, I awoke in the dark to feel a gritty mystery substance all over my skin. I extended my arm to the left and to the right, and soon discovered bits of foam scattered all throughout my bed. Where did this stuff come from?? I sat up, glanced around, and saw the culprit lying right next to me. My sheep pillow had ripped open in the middle of the night. Baaa.

One never thinks rationally at 6 a.m. Suddenly my sweet nostalgic pillow became devil spawn. I had to immediately dispose of all the foam on my bed (which was lots), and move the pillow as far away as possible in an upright position. I couldn't wait an hour and a half until my alarm went off - no, no, no! Now that it was exposed, rats would flock to my pillow in a mass pilgrimage. Surely they would find it. Maybe they already have. "Why didn't this occur to me earlier?"

To depress my paranoia, I needed to dispose of the pillow before I left for work. So I dumped the soft corpse in the community garbage room, without a morsel of regard for my loss.

As I reflected on this incident throughout the day, the absurdity of this pillow caught up with me. Anger took hold. "Why would I use this piece of crap for so long?!" Microscopic creatures of the night were probably breeding there for years, waiting to pounce on their prey - ME! - when the opportunity arose. Garbage foam...New York City...dark room...I might as well have set a piece of cheese on my head when I went to bed each night.

Then I began to wonder, "How did this crap of a pillow ever come to be in the first place?" My mother was always frugal, but even this was a stretch. "Was there a time we had a pillow shortage, and the ten-minute trip to Bradlees was impossible? Maybe it was some kind of Boy Scout's project for my brother, with a scavenger hunt for the pillow contents? Perhaps my mother simply wanted to freshen up on her sewing skills?"

The question remains unanswered. We've had some pretty ghetto moments as a family, but this takes the prize.

Towards the end of my workday, a strange thing happened. I became sad. This bed bug-infested pillow had been through it all - the good times, the bad times. I just had to see it once more. So when I got back to my apartment, I retrieved it from the can, took a snapshot, and made my peace. Sweet dreams are made of this.

Posted by Michele at June 6, 2005 10:56 PM

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