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July 31, 2005
James Lipton Goes Big
Monotone sycophant James Lipton, renowned for his Inside the Actors Studio Hollywood ego massages, is now appearing in ads for DC Shoes. I kid you not: You can watch commercial clips online of interviews with Xtreme athletes Dave Mirra, Danny Way (that dude who just jumped the Great Wall of China), Travis Pastrana and more.
If Heaven exists, I'm sure God will now say "gnarly" when Lipton arrives at the Pearly Gates.
Posted by Michele at 08:25 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 27, 2005
Cleanliness & Corruption - That's Hot!
The most anticipated "Hot Lists" of the year have just been released. Boy are they salacious!
First up is PETA's annual "World's Sexiest Vegetarian" contest. No surprise here, Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow won the male award. His face is fresh in voters' minds, having appeared on the cover of every bloody music magazine and music video station this summer.
What IS surprising is that squeaky clean American Idol winner Carrie Underwood took the female award, beating out much hotter chicks like Natalie Portman, Pam Anderson, and Alicia Silverstone. Next year she won't even be considered a celebrity anymore. So sad and fleeting is thy fame.
All in all, the male vegetarians are a much hotter species. Sorry ladies!
No list has generated more buzz, however, than the "50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill." I have no idea who composed this list or what the qualifying criteria was, but I will say that Mendoza should've been ranked higher than Obama. But seriously...who ARE these unmarked people?! Lobbyists, aides, interns? Seems like it doesn't take much to be nominated in the land of D.C....look at our President, par example.
View the full lists here:
World's Sexiest Vegetarians
50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill
Posted by Michele at 11:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 25, 2005
Ricky Martin: I am the Cup of Life
Closeted multi-philanthropist Ricky Martin has added a new agenda to his list: fighting negative Arab stereotypes.
At an Arab youth conference Monday, he declared, "I promise I will become a spokesperson, if you allow me to, a spokesperson on your behalf. I will defend you and try to get rid of any stereotypes."
[insert a sea of blank faces]
It's unclear how the star will set out to accomplish this goal, but I'm sure it will involve shakin' his bon bon and earning mad cash on his "Mid-East Tour 2006." The result will be astonishing - decreased Arab sterotypes in the Middle East and increased Latino stereotypes worldwide.
Call me crazy, but shouldn't an Arab celebrity take on this mission? Here's a list of potential replacement spokespersons. I vote for Shakira and Tony Shalhoub.
Posted by Michele at 11:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 18, 2005
Strange Encounters of the Hall & Oates Kind
For most of this past weekend, I stayed inside to shield myself from the NYC gamma ray humidity. The few times I stepped out however, I had strange cosmic experiences of the rock & roll duo variety. Friday night, I went to Sugar Sweet Sunshine Bakery in the LES, and the owners were playing Hall & Oates' entire musical repertoire. On the way home, I caught the sweet sounds of H&O emanating from Cafe Charbon. And then on Sunday, when I went to catch the bus on Allen Street, who do I hear playing in Epstein's Bar & Grill? You guessed it! The bestselling duo of all time.
In related news, Daryl Hall was diagnosed with Lyme Disease earlier this month.
What does it all mean?
Posted by Michele at 06:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 17, 2005
Trapped in my Obsession
Every once in awhile, you discover that rare visual in life that is so brilliant, you are brought to tears. Six words: R. Kelly Trapped In the Closet.
This mini-drama is first-rate, pure unadulterated GENIUS! The sixteen minute saga is broken up into five chapters, each packed with infidelity, closets, guns, tension, cops, pastors, speeding and much more, all narrated by R. Kelly in song speak. The suspense is high, the verbal jabs are low. I haven't felt this alive watching TV since seeing Christian Bale emaciate himself in The Machinist.
I may have been blind before, but now I see: R. Kelly is a man of God; inspiration this good doesn't come from ordinary people. (Let's...uhh...temporarily forget about the pissing on underage girls and marrying Aaliyah as a minor thing - ok?).
No doubt, I will be unhealthily obsessed with this masterpiece for at least one more week. If you haven't done so already, do yourself a favor and watch the melodrama firsthand - you won't be sorry! Heighten your experience by reading & memorizing the lyrics as you view the video.
Selfish footnote: The revelatory Chapter 2 is my favorite episode, marginally beating the conclusive Chapter 5. While I feel for Cathy, Chuck is the most sympathetic and sincere character. And the following - keep in mind, it was difficult to narrow down - is my favorite lyric:
From Chapter 4:
I said my leg is about to crack
Then she cries out
Oh my goodness, I'm about to climax
And I said cool
Climax
Just let go of my leg
Yeah, the shit is THAT good. Please share your thoughts, and stay tuned for my review of Chapters 6-10...
Posted by Michele at 04:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 14, 2005
No Cruise Control
My friend believes that every major film actor will, on occasion, knowingly star in a terrible movie role, usually in a big crappy blockbuster. These sellout roles serve as boosters, heightening the critical acclaim and publicity that occurs when the actor returns to making quality films again.
The proof is there. Current examples include Ewan McGregor in The Island, Scarlett Johansson in The Island, Jamie Foxx in Stealth and Nicole Kidman in Bewitched. Brendan Fraser is the grand puba of this strategy, successfully bouncing from movies like Blast From The Past (silly) to Gods & Monsters (wonderful) to Bedazzled (really silly).
I think there may be some legitimacy to this trend, although I also think stars will take on cheesy blockbusters to gain a wider acceptance and to simply...KERCHING!
The one major star exception is Tom Cruise. Except for Days Of Thunder, the man hasn't made a horrible film. One may argue that Eyes Wide Shut would qualify, but being a Stanley Kubrick project, it wasn't SUPPOSED to be bad; therefore, it's ineligible.
(Similarly, Vin Diesel doesn't count as jumping the shark with The Pacifier, since he's pretty much always made bad movies.)
Cruise has accomplished what Willis, Schwarzenegger, Gibson and every other major $$$ action/drama/comedy star can't - make consistently decent blockbuster films.
Too bad he's such a feckin' prick. Like everyone else that breathes, I've highly enjoyed these last two weeks or so of suppressed TomKat news. When I stumbled upon Tom Cruise's "blog," however, I couldn't stop reading. Who would've thought he would have so much time to post? Check it out...it's satire at its best.
Posted by Michele at 10:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 10, 2005
GBH - Combat (Boots) Rock
Support CBGB's, get a Corona, and wear a thong." - Colin Abrahall, lead singer of British punk band GBH.
My friend Kelly's old punk faves GBH - short for Grievous Bodily Harm - made a special area appearance at Bowery Ballroom Friday night. Knowing no crazy goth punks, she invited me and our friend Trish - "posers extraordinaire" - to the show. Yea, aw-riiight!
I wouldn't say we stood out in the crowd, but it would've helped if I accessorized with studs, combat boots, black fishnets, and lots of black eyeliner and lipstick. Upon entering Bowery, I was stuck in a time warp, and everyone around me was an extra on the set of Sid & Nancy.
Like at most concerts, you could tell when the main attraction was about to take the stage by the dimming of the house lights. At this show, GBH's appearance was also signified by a burly young goth happily skipping in a large circle, much like a dog does before lying down. Apparently, this was the molding of the mosh pit. I thought moshing was dead, but I guess that's only for alterna-preps.
The music hit and the goth punks were alive. Stage diving, beer flying, loud shouts followed by louder verse mumbling - the crowd was energetic and enraged. So much so that they knocked GBH lead singer Colin into the stage amps, almost tumbling them over and causing mass chaos. Thank god for attentive roadies.
Nothing that evening was quite as entertaining as frontman Colin, reminiscent of fellow British blonde musician Billy Idol. Colin, bless his heart, is the epitomy of the washed up 40-something rocker trying desperately to stay relevant. At times, he was as youthful as any SUM41 member, jumping off the speakers, shouting anthemic lyrics at the top of his lungs, and rallying the crowd to support CBGB's. At other times, his age began to show - like when he tried to read information about a Save CBGB's event, but couldn't see without his glasses. And when he twirled his microphone and failed to catch it.
Nevertheless, GBH rawked! When Colin wasn't blabbering on about CBGB's and accusing his drummer of being a talentless drunk, he put on a good show. He said it best himself: "[GBH] plays the real shit, not that Green Day crossover shit." That's the bollocks!
The only disappointment was that GBH made the crowd wait for 15 minutes at the end of the show before deciding not to encore. My guess is that Colin, in punk rock style, passed out upon exiting the stage.
If you're feeling rebellious, check them out at MySpace or download a song from iTunes.
Posted by Michele at 11:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 06, 2005
Asian Adoptee Question of the Day
Which is worse:
To be called "oriental" by your Mother,
OR
To be introduced by your Great Aunt as "my niece's adopted daughter"?
Posted by Michele at 10:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 05, 2005
McHumor in Uniform
McDonald's is in talks with Sean John, Rocawear and Fubu, among others, to give their staid uniforms a street makeover. Strangely, prep brands American Eagle, Tommy Hilfiger and even - gasp! - fair labor guerrillas American Apparel are in contention too.
I'm all for this beautiful marriage of high fashion, minimum wage and greasy fast food. Anything that has the potential to remove the darts from my McCashier's eyes - that is, if she or he makes eye contact at all - can only be a positive change. I just hope this branding idea doesn't spiral out of control, ala Martha Stewart booths, Ethan Allen paint, Disney playgrounds, etc. And no reality shows please!
Posted by Michele at 10:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
