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June 29, 2005
"Ain't Nuthin' But A Heartache..."
Life is tough for Backstreet Boy Nick Carter. Here's just a sample list of forces working against him:
1. Afflicted with a crazy, crazy stage mom.
2. Failed solo career worsened by skyrocketing success of *NSYNC rival Justin Timberlake.
3. Fluctuating post-puberty weight issues.
4. Dumped by heiress whore Paris Hilton after falling madly in love. Now she's engaged to a much wealthier Greek man, and all he has left is a "Paris" tattoo and broken heart.
5. Younger brother Aaron dated hot actresses Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan, who years later, still feud over him. Worse, Nick can't touch either gal b/c they're tainted by kin.
So it's no surprise that everyone's favorite Backstreet Boy has entered alcohol rehab. (In case anyone's keeping track, 2/5ths of the band have now sought professional substance abuse help.)
Cheers to increasing album sales and a speedy recovery!
Posted by Michele at 11:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 27, 2005
Kabbalah Brat
"Rich Bubble Inhabitant" Madonna has convinced her bank to issue her 8-year old daughter Lourdes a credit card - with a $10,000 spending limit. The purpose? To teach the young diva the "value of money."
Here's a revolutionary idea Madge: Give the minimum-wage earning maids a night off. Make little Lola sweep the floors, fold laundry, and clean her room - that's called "labor" - and pay her a $10 allowance. The next day, bring her to the local dollar store to buy shitty plebeian toys and candy that keep normal 8-year olds happy for hours. Explain how these toys are made by starving, illiterate children in China, who work 15 hours a day in dangerous factories for pennies. Encourage her to give the balance of her allowance to the charity of her choice.
Now that's a lesson worth learning.
Posted by Michele at 10:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 24, 2005
Rage Against the Government
Yesterday, the U.S. House of Representatives approved the creation of a new constitutional amendment outlawing flag burning.
An amendment? Isn't this a bit extreme? Flag burning is an issue that warrants discouragement, not a law. Our country was founded on free speech; this is borderline fascist.
Economically speaking, there are hundreds more effective ways to spend our tax dollars. Education, poverty, social security and that war still going on in Iraq, all come to mind. (Luckily, the chances of the measure passing in the Senate are dim.)
In equally ridiculous news, the U.S. Supreme Court just ruled that local governments can now seize private homes and businesses - AGAINST their will for PRIVATE development - if greater economic growth (read: larger tax income) is estimated.
Burning the U.S. Flag --> Bad.
Having one's hard-earned house & property seized to build a strip mall --> Un-American.
Posted by Michele at 12:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 20, 2005
What Happens in Vegas Stays Blurry
Last week, I attended a marketing conference at the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas. I left on Sunday, and returned Wednesday morning on a redeye flight. It was short, quick and intense.
Rather than bore you with my mundane recap, here are five notations from my brief tenure in Sin City:
It's probably best to avoid chatting at length with people whose names sound like cartoon characters. Double that if Beavis & Butthead is the offending animation. Those images will never leave your mind.
Even when staying at a reputable hotel, you may wake up with mysterious, itchy rashes on your skin.
Never let two scientists troubleshoot your camera, especially in a social setting. They will never cease.
If your cab driver is "Armand The Ruskie," know that you are in good hands. He doesn't do drugs, just likes to drink. Ask him about his role in the 1976 Montreal Olympics.
Always bet on black.
Posted by Michele at 11:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 09, 2005
Show Me the Meaning of Being Hungry
Clear Channel and AOL Music have teamed up with the Backstreet Boys to offer 2-for-1 tickets to their summer concert tour.
Starting on June 10th, fans who visit AOL City Guide and purchase 2 reserved seats will receive 2 bonus tickets in the lawn or mezzanine sections. No fees or surcharges will be applied to the free tix, and the promotion only applies to shows held at Clear Channel venues.
Question: If the concert sucks, can you get 4x the refund?
Posted by Michele at 10:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 08, 2005
Yappy Pot Calls Indie Kettle Black
Surely, the most ironic headline of the week:
Posted by Michele at 11:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 06, 2005
A Pillow for Your Thoughts
Sometimes you don't realize how bizarre your lingering childhood habits are until they burst open in front of your sleepy eyes.
For as long as I can remember, I've been using an old tattered pillow to sleep on at night. Tattered is too kind; grotesque is more accurate. This pillow is cased with sheep sheets from my thirty-five year old brother's childhood bed, and filled with a random assortment of crumbled foam, tape, paper and other disturbing materials. It could've easily doubled as a cozy rat's nest, but that thought never occurred to me until today. (See the picture above; enjoy it because I had to retrieve the item from my building's garbage room to take the photo. More on that later...)
Early this morning, I awoke in the dark to feel a gritty mystery substance all over my skin. I extended my arm to the left and to the right, and soon discovered bits of foam scattered all throughout my bed. Where did this stuff come from?? I sat up, glanced around, and saw the culprit lying right next to me. My sheep pillow had ripped open in the middle of the night. Baaa.
One never thinks rationally at 6 a.m. Suddenly my sweet nostalgic pillow became devil spawn. I had to immediately dispose of all the foam on my bed (which was lots), and move the pillow as far away as possible in an upright position. I couldn't wait an hour and a half until my alarm went off - no, no, no! Now that it was exposed, rats would flock to my pillow in a mass pilgrimage. Surely they would find it. Maybe they already have. "Why didn't this occur to me earlier?"
To depress my paranoia, I needed to dispose of the pillow before I left for work. So I dumped the soft corpse in the community garbage room, without a morsel of regard for my loss.
As I reflected on this incident throughout the day, the absurdity of this pillow caught up with me. Anger took hold. "Why would I use this piece of crap for so long?!" Microscopic creatures of the night were probably breeding there for years, waiting to pounce on their prey - ME! - when the opportunity arose. Garbage foam...New York City...dark room...I might as well have set a piece of cheese on my head when I went to bed each night.
Then I began to wonder, "How did this crap of a pillow ever come to be in the first place?" My mother was always frugal, but even this was a stretch. "Was there a time we had a pillow shortage, and the ten-minute trip to Bradlees was impossible? Maybe it was some kind of Boy Scout's project for my brother, with a scavenger hunt for the pillow contents? Perhaps my mother simply wanted to freshen up on her sewing skills?"
The question remains unanswered. We've had some pretty ghetto moments as a family, but this takes the prize.
Towards the end of my workday, a strange thing happened. I became sad. This bed bug-infested pillow had been through it all - the good times, the bad times. I just had to see it once more. So when I got back to my apartment, I retrieved it from the can, took a snapshot, and made my peace. Sweet dreams are made of this.
Posted by Michele at 10:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 02, 2005
Apple, You Got Served!
iPod junkies of the world have spoken...and won.
In a class-action settlement, Apple has tentatively agreed to issue $50 credit vouchers, battery replacements, and/or warranty extensions to customers who purchased an older model iPod before May 31, 2004.
The suit was filed by eight disgruntled consumers who claimed Apple falsely misled buyers into believing the built-in battery would last the lifetime of the iPod, when many died within 18 months or less.
They also alleged the battery life was falsely advertised as having ten hours of continuous play, when in reality, it played for only four hours before needing a recharge. (Anyone who owns an older iPod knows these accusations couldn't be more true.)
To find out more details, go to the official settlement website. Start digging now because receipts are required for all claims.
Posted by Michele at 10:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
