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March 30, 2005
Cosmic Spelling Encounters
Soul singer Lyn Collins, via Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock, once proclaimed "It takes two to make a thing go right." Following that wisdom, I attended my second Brooklyn spelling bee, as part of my ongoing alphabetical market research.
This particular bee, hosted by the affable & witty Josh Reynolds, is held the last Wednesday of every month at Freddy's Back Room in Prospect Heights. Freddy's kitschy, dive atmosphere is the perfect setting for this competition, providing a warm, casual ambience to an otherwise neurotic event. All ye who enter, check yer pretention at the door.
More traditional than the Pete's Candy Store version, each participant spells one word in each round. If you make a mistake, you're out; no second chances. The rounds keep going until one spellophile is declared winner.
The prize is very straightforward: Each contestant who participates pays $1, and whoever wins the bee, gets the pot. No harm, no foul. (Tonight's big jackpot: $11)
Strangely, the word I missed at Pete's (imbibition) and the word I missed at Freddy's (nephalism) both relate to drinking. From Dictionary.com:
imbibition: The act of imbibing
nephalism: Total abstinence from spirituous liquor
I drink more than one beer and usually puke. Perhaps this is some sort of strange, cosmic message.
In any case, check out Josh's spelling bee. It's fun, and the drinks are cheap.
Posted by Michele at 11:20 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
March 29, 2005
No Mas Feeding Tubes!!
In what can only be described as Schiavo copycat syndrome, an Italian news agency is reporting that a feeding tube may soon be inserted into His Holiness, Pope John Paul II.
For the love of Pete, ixnay on the feeding tubes-ay! God, I am pleading with you to insta-heal this man now or take him away peacefully. Can I get an amen?
Posted by Michele at 10:46 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 22, 2005
Goodbye Fez (1992-2005)
For undisclosed reasons, The Fez Under Time Cafe lounge & venue is closing for renovations this week. According to a staff member, the lounge may re-open as is, or under a completely different theme. The concert venue may not re-open at all.
Many of my most memorable entertainment experiences have taken place at The Fez. For those who haven't been there, The Fez is an intimate underground club, known for housing some of the most talented music & variety acts, while providing the finest food and drink. You'd always know where you were by the occasional rumble of a subway train passing underneath.
Over the years, I've seen countless Stella comedy shows - an old Wednesday night staple - in addition to many up close troubadours: Ben Lee, Ed Harcourt, Flight of the Conchords, Gary Jules, Peter Salett, among others. Because of its small size, celebrities like Edward Norton, Salma Hayek, and Claire Danes would rub elbows with the regular folks. Even a diva like Joan Rivers, Fez's frequent and final performer, couldn't complain. It was a comforting, humble place for all, which I will miss so very much.
More than anything, however, I will miss Fez's delicious hummus.
Although it may not look so appetizing in the picture above, trust me, when I say it's got that Middle Eastern "je ne sais quois." It's lumpy texture, combined with fine olives, tomatoes and cucumber toppings, made the perfect meal - all at a mere $8.
Since learning about The Fez's demise, I have been on a mad search for a replacement to nourish my hummus longings. You're probably thinking, "What's the big deal lady? Get off your lazy bitch ass and make your own damn hummus." The thing is, I don't want to make it. I want to discover it.
Well, after months of searching high and low, I finally found my two savory alternatives in NYC.
Dining Out: Go to to the venerable Hummus Place on St. Mark's Place. For less than $5, you'll get a bowl full of smooth, warm hummus served with two slices of puffy "naan-like" bread. Their menu is simple - only three types of hummus offered - but you really don't need anything else. Just go. Now!
Store-Bought Hummus: I never thought I'd find a satisfying store-bought hummus until I discovered Sabra. Sabra, the hummus brand with the red-banded containers, offers several varieties of creamy hummus to suit your needs. But make no mistake, the Supremely Spicy Hummus is the flavor you'll crave. Perfect with warm pita! Be warned: It is highly addictive.
So long Fez, thanks for the memories!
Posted by Michele at 11:30 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
March 20, 2005
Ashanti Maya Angelou
The inspiring musings of Rosie O'Donnell, combined with the recent arrest of hip hop label Murder Inc.'s Irv Gotti, can only mean one thing:
It's time for an excerpt from R&B superstar Ashanti's book Foolish/Unfoolish: Reflections on Love.
The following verse is from the romantic poem Satisfied:
Can you get it crunk and make my body jump?
Do you think you can handle
a girl like me?
If you can take it there you are the man
I want you to be
Posted by Michele at 10:53 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
March 16, 2005
For Once, Rice Says No to Certain Defeat
On Sunday's Meet The Press, America's sweetheart Condoleezza Rice disappointed rich people everywhere by declaring she would not run for U.S. President in 2008.
I have to admit, I was bummed. Not because I like her; quite the contrary in fact. I just really, really wanted to witness a Condoleezza Rice vs. Hillary Clinton presidential face-off.
Sure, it would be exciting to introduce "The PMS factor" into the nation's highest office. Rrrrr! But more than that, a Condi-Hillary race would almost guarantee a much-needed Democratic victory. South, north, east, west, no one likes this woman. Her aggressive war stance, "mildly pro-choice" position and Bush bootlicking, make me long for the glory days of Lewinksy and Whitewater.
But since party pooper Condi won't run, I can only hope that a smart, appealing liberal candidate rises from the ashes of John Kerry's trail. Or that John McCain and/or Colin Powell decide to switch parties. (Sorry Hill, but America just won't vote you into office if you run against a man, be he doofus or genius. Sad but true.)
Only three years, nine and a half months to go for change.
Posted by Michele at 10:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 14, 2005
Japanese Sugar Shop
It's in my blood to love foods insanely high in sodium content and MSG. Salt, salt and more salt. Mmmm, salt.
But as I've gotten older, the sugar demons have slowly caught up to me. Cupcakes, brownies, pie, ice cream. If it's got cane, I'm hooked.
Thank goodness for dessert sushi. So tiny, so pretty, so sweet. Domo arigato.
Posted by Michele at 10:59 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
March 10, 2005
Deep Thoughts with the Queen of Mean
Lately, you can't turn on the tele without seeing brazen Kirstie Alley talking up her new show Fat Actress, or praising the wonders of thumb-sized fettucine in endless Jenny Craig ads - Fettu-CHEE-Nee! And we all know how ubiquitous former ice queen-turned-human Martha Stewart has been since being released from prison.
So where does that leave poor Rosie O'Donnell?
Yippie-ky-yay, back in the news of course! Today, The New York Times reported that America's favorite liberal lesbian firecracker has started a Blogger blog of her own. FormerlyROSIE, as it's called, is "the unedited rantings of a fat 42 year old menopausal ex-talk show host -married mother of four - read at your own risk - my spelling sux (add * ocd * adhd * lmnop * suv * dvd * y not me)."
Yup, that's the title. And yes, it's very telling.
In what may be a blessing or curse, Rosie sets herself apart from other bloggers by writing not in sentences, but in a funky haiku format. Here's a sample:
howard stern reads this blog
that may not seem odd to u - but it is to me
now i want it to be brilliant
howie and marshall did all the heavy lifting
back in november
big props
Is this poetic justice, or just a method for covering up her grammatical ineptitude? Only you can decide.
Posted by Michele at 10:37 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
March 08, 2005
Go Big with Tsunami Relief
If Linkin Park, Jackie Chan, Brad Pitt, and hundreds of thousands of innocent victims can't convince you to donate to the tsunami relief, perhaps X Games athletes can do the job.
Watch Tony Hawk, Shaun White, Kelly Slater and others rally for your donations in their Save the Children Foundation PSA. (Note: This ad is Sally Struthers free.)
Posted by Michele at 11:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 06, 2005
HeadOn Perfection
On the drive home from my January ski trip, my co-pilot Sara began developing a migraine, combined with motion sickness. We stopped at a Schenectady Eckerd's, where she found the holy grail of all headache medications: HeadOn Pain Reliever.
Appropriately nicknamed "migraine chapstick" by Sara, you simply roll the medicine on your forehead, and feel the pain wither away. Simple to use and it works! Sara was cured within minutes. Even her sister Abby became hooked.
Two testimonials were enough to pique my curiosity. While I rarely get headaches, I did recently experience a mild concussion, so that was good enough for me. I needed to test it.
My plight was not easy. Like a starved junkie, I searched aisle upon aisle of Manhattan's finest pharmacies looking for this drug. 2 Rite Aids, 2 CVS's, 1 Walgreen's and 3 Duane Reade's later, I finally found my head candy. My dealer? The 24 hour Duane Reade in Union Square.
As soon as I got home, I tore open the package and applied the magic block to my forehead. Aaaah! Subtle, yet effective. It gave me a very pleasant tingling & numbing sensation; you'd probably compare it to the effects of Ben-Gay or heroin. Just think of the future possibilities: work stress, rush hour madness, crying children...no problem! Just pop the cap off, and roll on the migraine chapstick.
The best part is that there are no side effects. According to the product's website, you can apply this medication "anytime, anywhere and as often as YOU feel it's needed." You've got to love any drug company that legally endorses addiction.
Try it, but be prepared to fork over $7.99 for your buzz (that's $39.95/ounce). Warning: You may never want an ibuprofen pill again.
Posted by Michele at 08:46 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
March 03, 2005
Baby Got Book
When Sir Mix-A-Lot declared he wanted his real thick and juicy, he was surely speaking in the Biblical sense. Now, Dan "Southpaw" Smith has given "Biblical" a new meaning by making a Christian version - song and video - of Mix-A-Lot's huge ass '90s hit Baby Got Back.
No surprise, DJ Southpaw's favorite color is off-white. And sorry ladies, he's married.
Posted by Michele at 10:32 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
March 01, 2005
Michael Bolton: Hero
Everyone knows Michael Bolton loves killer blue-eyed soul ballads and thinning mullets. Few understand how much he hates domestic violence against women and children.
Last Friday, my college roommate Liz and her husband John came to NYC for a visit. Seconds after arriving in Grand Central Station, a woman from Lifetime "Television for Women" Networks approached them with a semi-indecent proposal: "Michael Bolton is doing an anti-domestic violence documentary for our network. Would you be willing to talk to him about this topic?"
L&J were initially puzzled by the "anti-domestic violence" verbiage. "Who represents the 'pro' side?" They briefly pondered the counterpoint, before politely declining to be interviewed by this multiplatinum, hunk of a two-time Grammy Award winner.
When they recounted this anecdote to me, I was puzzled by this philanthropic partnership. But then it all made sense! Much like Josh Groban, middle-aged mothers and middle-aged mothers only - Lifetime’s target audience - are deeply awed by the sounds of Mr. Bolton. And their husbands probably want to commit acts of violence upon hearing his music.
I can just imagine Michael Bolton chopping off his mullet as an expression of anti-domestic violence rage, much like Angela Bassett did in Waiting to Exhale.
I leave you with some words of inspiration written and performed by the Hollywood Walk of Fame star himself:
Gonna break these chains around me
Gonna learn to fly again
May be hard, may be hard
But I'll do it
When I'm back on my feet again
-When I'm Back On My Feet Again (1989)
Posted by Michele at 10:39 PM | Comments (1)
