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February 24, 2005
Achtung!
Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr., The Dalai Lama...Bono?
A few minutes ago, I experienced a bout of vertigo. I'm not sure if this resulted from the mild concussion I received over the weekend, or reading that U2's Bono was nominated for a 2005 Nobel Peace Prize.
Don't get me wrong, Bono has used his celebrity power to champion great causes: AIDS Awareness and Third World Debt Relief, among others. But it's freakin' Bono people, the same guy who made bug-eyed glasses fashionable in the '90s! Part of me can never take him seriously.
The ipod hustler has been nominated alongside such notables as Pope John Paul II, Ravi Shankar (aka Norah Jones' dad) and Colin Powell.
Is he worthy? Check out a list of past Nobel Peace Prize recipients and judge for yourself.
Posted by Michele at 11:40 PM | Comments (2)
February 23, 2005
The Trouble with Love
Jennifer Love Hewitt, what has happened to your career?
In 1997, no starlet was hotter than Hewitt. She was on the top-rated orphan drama Party of Five, and enjoyed box office success with film hits I Know What You Did Last Summer and Can't Hardly Wait. She was so money that FOX gave her her very own spin-off show Time Of Your Life (which has forever ruined that Green Day song for me). That show was cancelled within a year, and it was all downhill from there...
Heartbreakers
The Tuxedo
Garfield
3 Pop Albums
...
Now, Love will be starring as a psychic in the doomed drama Ghost Whisperer. This might sound promising if it weren't a shameless rip-off of NBC's successful new series Medium.
It's official: Hewitt has morphed into the poor man's Patricia Arquette, laced with a Kathie Lee Gifford media personality. While I've always found her perkiness quite annoying, even I hate to see so drastic a Hollywood downfall. Someone please take pity and save her with a gritty indie film role!
Posted by Michele at 11:12 PM | Comments (6)
February 17, 2005
Zen and The Art of Grocery Maintenance
Grocery shopping can be the most zen process in the world. You travel up and down the aisles leering at a sea of products. Sometimes you know exactly which foods you desire; other times, a bold fragrant item with clever packaging catches your eye on the shelf. So many choices, so much potential. Deciding which foods to invite into your body truly becomes the most intimate of experiences.
Grocery shopping can also crawl under your skin, tug at every last nerve in your body, and make you want to slit your wrists with a freshly sharpened blade.
Last Sunday, I went to my local Key Food deli and ordered 1/2 lb. of turkey and a 1/4 lb. of cheese. Living by myself, this is the exact amount of food I would need to cover my lunch for the week. As I was walking away from the counter, I heard the man in back of me say to the deli boy: "Yeah, err, can I get a 1/4 lb. of uhhh ham....HAHAHAHA, naw just kidding. No, give me a pound of..."
What?! Buddy, sure hope you're not taking that comedy act on the road because you suck. (What's crazier is that a week earlier, I overheard someone ordering 2/10 lb. of cheese. 2/10! While I questioned his math skills, I didn't even think twice about his miniscule quantity.)
I retrieved the few items I needed to get, put them in my carry-on basket, and shuffled into the nearly vacant 20 items or less express lane. I began to pile my items on the counter, when a perky young girl walked up behind me and said: "Can I go in front of you? I just have one item."
Let's be clear: I'm not an absolute bitch. I can be very sympathetic to those frazzled "one-itemers" with excusable stories. "My child is waiting out in the car." "I'm running really late for an appointment." Whatever. Anything. But this girl didn't even try; she was a selfish, impatient Gen-Y brat, who couldn't wait her turn. Keep in mind, there was no line, and I only had ten items!
In the end, I did the noble thing. Gave her a dirty look and reluctantly muttered "Yeah, fine."
I often think of how pleasant it is to stroll down the produce aisle: So many varieties of life, red, green, yellow, blue, all existing in harmony. Next time you enter a grocery store, please remember the fruits and veggies.
Posted by Michele at 11:52 PM | Comments (4)
February 14, 2005
Beastie Boys vs. KFC: UPDATE!
According to a statement posted by Adam Yauch on the Beastie Boys website, the trio never sent a letter to the KFC headquarters as reported by PETA last week.
Here's a portion of Yauch's much dignified response:
"For the record, we did not draft this letter. Basically it went down like this; a lady was walking around an airport in Australia asking people to sign something. When she approached me I thought (and I assume that Adam and Mike did as well) that it was a petition that she was getting as many signatures on as she could. So I signed it thinking that I might be able to help out with stopping some unnecessary suffering of some birds. But I thought that my name would appear in conjunction with thousands of others.
By the look of the letter that PETA sent out, they must have scanned our signatures, photo shopped them neatly in order and then added our names typed in, so that it would look like we drafted and sent the letter ourselves."
For the complete statement, click here.
I know PETA pulls some crazy stunts, but this is ridiculous! Alienating civic-minded celebrities like the Beasties is not going to progress your campaign. Respect yo!
Posted by Michele at 04:28 PM | Comments (0)
February 13, 2005
The Gates at Central Park - NYC
Last April, I had the good fortune of seeing Christo and Jean-Claude speak about their work at the GEL Conference 2004. Like many conceptual artists, they screamed unconventional and zany. Jeanne-Claude, the red-haired half, incessantly complained about their photographic slides being out of focus (though they seemed clear to the average eye) and rambled on and on, nearly doubling their allotted speaking time.
Though difficult in persona, I couldn't help but admire two people who have wrapped The Reichstag in material and surrounded islands near Miami, FL with pink woven fabric - all self-financed projects. I found their imagination, passion and vision freshly original and truly fascinating.
Now you can witness their latest project, The Gates: 7,500 orange-flagged gates spanning 23 miles of footpaths throughout Central Park. If you live in or near NYC, go see this event while you can! The Gates will only be up for 16 days, with the entire project being dismantled on February 28, 2005.
For more information on Christo and Jean-Claude, visit their website.
Posted by Michele at 09:05 PM | Comments (3)
February 10, 2005
Beasties Call Fowl on KFC
The Beastie Boys have followed in the footsteps of the Reverend Al Sharpton and hip hop mogul Russell Simmons in criticizing Kentucky Fried Chicken for its cruel animal practices. KFC has been accused of, among other things, painfully debeaking chickens, cramming them into tiny cages, live scalding, and over-injecting the fowl with hormones.
The Boys wrote a letter to KFC President David Novak, urging him to adopt PETA's recommendations for humane slaughter. Click here to view the official letter.
In other poultry news, 25 roosters were seized in the Bronx, 15 of which had allegedly been used for illegal cockfighting.
Is this any way to begin the Year of the Rooster?
Posted by Michele at 05:01 PM | Comments (4)
February 09, 2005
Happy Chinese New Year!
As we enter the Year of the Rooster, take a moment to embrace your family & friends, wish good fortune on others, and eat lots of lo mein, moo shoo gai pain and chow yun fat.
Click here to find information on New York's Chinatown festivities.
Gung Hay Fat Choy!
Posted by Michele at 11:08 AM | Comments (3)
February 07, 2005
Bookworms Anonymous
In 7th grade, I placed fourth in the Valley Tri-Town Spelling Bee. Tri-Town as in three. Three as in fourth place isn't really anything to brag about.
Last night, I attempted to recapture my alphabetical youth by attending the bi-weekly adult spelling bee at Pete's Candy Store. This bee had everything and more: good crowd, witty hosts, geeks galore, and a kick ass theme song.
Abby of 144sheep and I initially decided to survey this event as a research project (more on that later). But quicker than you can say flibbertigibbet, we signed on as real-live contestants.
Here's how it works: There are four rounds. In the first round, each contestant has to spell one word; the second round, two; the third round, four; and the fourth round, eight. Contestants are allowed three misspelled words before being disqualified. While the contest advertises cash prizes, the top three winners actually win varying amounts of food and bar credit.
I'm gonna save you the suspense: I didn't win. While I didn't buckle under the pressure, I didn't exactly get any accolades either. The following are two words I spelled wrong because of stupid errors, beginner's mistakes if you will:
imbibition - I believe the emcee pronounced the word "IN-bibition" and I failed to clarify.
obsecration - My final word. I was tired, and completely forgot the letter "c." Shit happens, what can I say?
But even if I had spelled those words correctly, I would've certainly lost to some of the mighty spellophiles present. You know the type. They participate in every contest, read dictionaries for fun, and when on stage, let loose all the quirky personality tics they hide during the daylight hours. Two of the three winners at least partially fit that profile.
Back to that research... The reason Abby and I attended in the first place is because we, along with some of our other friends, would like to host an adult spelling bee in Manhattan. Beer, prizes and spelling - you can't go wrong! Would you participate? Feedback and suggestions are very welcome.
Posted by Michele at 11:08 PM | Comments (5)
February 02, 2005
State Of The Union 2004 2005
I tried to pay close attention to President Bush's State Of The Union Address, but was quickly bored by his catchphrase rhetoric.
The following is the speech as heard through my lazy ears:
Economy is strong. We've created lots of jobs. Deficit will be cut in half by 2009. Support legislation that makes America more independent and less dependent on foreign energy. Support Constitutional amendment to protect the institution of marriage. Must protect human life while continuing scientific research. [Pan on Dana Reeves]. Social security needs to be reformed. People over 50 don't have to worry; young people do, but they'll be able to put money in personal retirement accounts. Sept. 11, 2001. Syria and Iran are threats. NUKE-U-LURR. Democracy. Freedom. Safer America. Support troops in Iraq. Iraqi woman in audience voted for the first time. Applause. Peace sign. Not sure when we'll be able to leave Iraq. No timetable. Will work to bring Israel & Palestine together. God Bless America.
For a less half-ass recap, be sure to visit the fine folks at CNN.com, MSNBC.com or FoxNews.com.
Posted by Michele at 10:50 PM | Comments (1)
February 01, 2005
Two Inches of Kim Jong Il
First a nuclear arms program...now a hair trimming campaign? Yes, and it even has a catchy name: Let's Trim Our Hair According to Socialist Lifestyle.
North Korean dictator and Team America antagonist Kim Jong Il has ordered all males to trim their hair to a minimum of two inches in length. Never the hypocrite, Kim even cut down his own stylish pompadour to conform to the new government fashion.
Why all the fuss? Kim believes that long hair blocks oxygen from entering the brain. Plus, short hair fits in with his "songun" or "army-first" policy.
There are exceptions of course. Women, as the obviously less intelligent sex, can still flaunt their long hair. And elderly men are allowed an extra 4/5 of an inch to hide their baldness. Bring on the sexy combovers!
No word on whether there will be any legal/life-threatening repercussions for the bold & shaggy, but public derision is almost certainly guaranteed.
Posted by Michele at 11:35 PM | Comments (5)
